New Chapter

So I am all moved into a new home, getting ready to put my kids in their new school, and trying to start a new life. Things have been rough but we got through them and we still have a little ways to go before we are really all settled but its looking good. Love my new house and better yet the kids love it, which makes me happy. I just want the best for them in every way and I feel I have fallen so short of that this past year. Trying to make up for it now. Its really nice cause summer is here and I can spend the day with them and with me not having to work but basically one job it really brings my stress level down.

At the same time.. I should be soo happy so excited and just overjoyed at this new chapter in my life..but for some off reason..I'm depressed...I kept thinking that maybe when I move the excitement will set in..and then I moved and yes it is very exciting and I am happy to have this home, but I just feel like something is missing..I realize this is the first time I have moved alone in about 7 years..craziness eh...I mean I have my wonderful children to share all this with but I still feel lonely and that something is just missing and I can't quite put my finger on it..I just think how nice it would be to have someone to share all these things with ...too get excited with me..and to know how hard I worked (with Gods help) to get where I am now..

There is this emptiness that has become overwhelming lately and I am not sure how to handle it. I have no reason to feel lonely or empty. I have 2 wonderful children that are my angels and I just couldn't ask for more..I have a home that I can handle.. I have a job..so I just don't get it whats wrong with me...why with all these wonderful things in my life do I still feel empty..unfulfilled..alone..I really wish I knew..I don't miss the man I was married to (and still am uhhggg) but I do miss being married. I just miss having that other half of yourself there with you..or so it felt anyway. I don't feel whole and it seems nothing is filling that hole up..

My son told me the other day that he wonders what Christian I am gonna marry..it was very cute he said that he wouldn't tolerate me marrying anyone who isn't a chrisitan cause they need to respect God... wow from an 8 year old..I just said I have no idea who God has for me Nick..but I am sure he is somewhere.. I am not in a hurry to rush into anything again..but my heart does ache at the thought of being alone..so I dunno whats wrong with me :( hope this passes and I can be happy and enjoy all that I have.