Fork in the Road

Have you ever been walking one way and you come to a point where you need to make a decision and you know that no matter which road you will take there will be immediate pain but knowing down the road the Lord will make it all better. We have all been there where something has come in our lives and we can either choose to listen to our "hearts" or our "heads" as people say. I think we should rather say we can choose to listen to God or we can listen to our flesh. Cause really that's what it amounts to. Our hearts will deceive us so easily and our minds well we can convince ourselves of the decision we are making is the correct one because such and such.

I am talking about that still small voice inside that you KNOW is God telling you something. And you go but God I REALLY want this or its okay it will work out I just have to have faith, instead of just obeying. It amazes me on a daily basis how I try to convince myself that what I want and what God wants for me sometimes is the same thing. I'm just being selfish and distrusting. I think I know better. Through my life I have slowly and painfully learned that when I hear that voice telling me..Sarah listen. That means Sarah stop talking yourself into this stop trying to make excuses for why this is right and just obey. I would like to think I am getting better at it now. Of course its still a struggle. I am still a fleshly body that wants what it wants. Thats why we are suppose to die to self everyday. How can I live for the Lord when I am living for myself. You can only serve one master.

Lately I made a decision and I know it was the right one. Not an easy one but I feel very blessed by my gracious Lord for guarding my heart through this and confirming in me that this was the right thing. I think its been one of the first big decisions that I just handed over and said okay God I don't like this but....you know best. The peace is overwhelming cause I take comfort in knowing I am doing what my Lord asks me. Do I do this all the time ...ummm no.. I'm working on it. I am a work in progress hahah..I'm trying though, he really has been pointing out alot in my life lately and I am not happy about what he is showing me about myself. Trying to live apart of two worlds, and it just doesn't work like that. Hating myself for being apart of the world but finding that pull towards it. So I am seeking him..seeking him he would give me that peace and that strength to just give it all to him again. I know he is so faithful and even when I fall and mess up he is soooooo gracious and mercifull it breaks my heart that I keep breaking his.

But, I know who my father is. I know he loves me and is holding me close to him all I need to do is hold on. I am so blessed to be called his child. To know that no matter what I go through I am never alone. That when I really don't deserve his mercy he bestowes it upon me anyway. Lord you have my heart, help me to seek you more and just really give it all to you..no matter what the cost. Nothing is worth an eternity without you. I love you Jesus so much. Thank you for always being my best friend, and my Savior.