I wish I understood...

It seems everyday there is something new..someone does or says something..I am soo tired of the drama..everyone has their opinion..how I should do things..act..think..whatever...I'm tired of thinking..tired of trying to figure out what the next step is sooo guess what.. I'm DONE..

I don't care anymore what you say about me..what you think about me... you want to spread lies..you want to say how awful I am how selfish I am how whatever you think I am..cause you know what...TAKE IT UP WITH GOD..

Everyday I try to do the best I can... I search my heart..I pray to make sure I am doing whats right..This is not an easy thing to do..none of this is..loving someone and being able to not do anything about it..watching someone throw their life away.. for what..and there are times I get terrified..scared to death I will get that call that something has happened..

But I am trying to trust God..cause I don't understand...any of this..WHY...and the answer isn't going to come..cause I don't need to know..I know all that I need to in my bible.. and thats that God is faithful..he doesn't let me down..he doesn't turn his back on me..he doesn't speak ill of me cause I am not doing what he wants me to do..he just loves me...forgives me...and holds me soo close to him to protect me.

And even though I don't understand why you judge me..why you hurt me soo..why you say the things you do..I don't need to...cause I am giving it to God..I am soo tired lord..so tired of this struggle..to be strong to worry about what others say..all I care about is what YOU have to say of me..and as long as its well done good and faithful servant than thats all I need to hear..Lord you now my heart...you've searched it..the decisions I make aren't easy ones..not by far..but all I can do is the best I can and with the lords guidence make the right ones..Blame me for what has happened I don't care anymore..and talk bad of me...I DONT CARE ANYMORE....


Lord comfort me and be my guide.. a lamp unto my feet..touch the hearts of those who have said things that were wrong..that they could see I'm just doing the best I can...and just because they say things of me doesn't mean I don't love them...cause I do..immensly..but I just don't have the energy anymore for anymore drama..sooo there you go lord take it all...the hurt..the pain...the words...the people who have walked away...and just hold me close..so close lord...cause all I ever need to understand was the cross..so bring me there and hold me under the shadow of your wings and remind me that you are all I will ever need.