Whew been a while since I wrote, only because so much is going on and I am not quite sure what on earth I am suppose to do about any of it...feel like a country song, lost my husband, might lose my job, waiting for the dog to fall dead..lol no but really its been rough and a testing couple weeks. It seems I may not have a job soon, to much drama to write about basically they want a scape goat and I am the candidate. so oh well.. but I am terrified..what will I do, where will I live I dunno..if I lose the job I lose my house and its just soo scary and when all of it started happening all I could do was sit..no one really to call I felt sooo alone. I am so greatful for the close friends I have that let me blab their ears off with all my drama..but when its all said and done and I am sitting alone in the dark..its all soo big and so real..how did I get here..Life seems to never work out quite the way we want it to. I want to just run away , go in a corner and not come out..but when you have other people depending on you its not that easy. So I am just trying to take a deep breath and hold it together. I am just scared at any moment I am gonna lose it completly.. The stress just seems to be building more and more.. and with no help it makes it really hard..
The sad part..the only person I wanted to call was my husband..he was the only one I wanted with me..he had always been a rock when it came to issues with my job..always stood by me and if it came to it would have told me to tell them to shove it and move on. But he wasn't here for that..he wasn't here to tell me it would be okay and we would figure it out together and we would be okay. And I sat there staring at the phone for probably a good hour just holding myself back from calling ... cause it wouldn't help and wouldn't change anything..I had to realize I am in this alone (of course I have God) but as far as everything goes..it was just me and I think that part sinking in slowly more and more is whats making this soo hard..I feel soo weak and like I am making allt he wrong decisions sometimes..I want to close my eyes and wake up to the part where everything is fixed and happy..whenever that may be
But God has a reason for allowing all this in my life and even though I don't have the slightest clue why I know he always makes a way of escape.. and it might be losing my job and moving again..and starting over yet again but I guess if thats what he wants than I will just have to do it. I know we will be a happy family where ever we are as long as we are together. So i am trying to take a deep breath not run away from it all but just stand..not knowing what tomorrow will bring and being unsure of how anything will turn out but I am gonna stand on the promise that God is faithful.
on a side note.. funny story... tried to cut my sons hair myself yesterday...ummm note to self don't do that again..needless to say we are gonna buzz it off today lol
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